Trust the Process
My second grader came home from school one day clutching his most recent creation from art class. I’ll admit I had a hard time discerning exactly what it was. I silently hoped it was meant to be abstract, but then I noticed my fifth grader held a creation made from the same materials. Hers was clearly a butterfly, beautifully woven with colored yarn and framed with popsicle sticks. I looked at my son’s, straining to find something that would indicate it too, was a butterfly. No such luck.
“So, um, was your caterpillar just unmotivated or what?” I teased as a mess of yarn unraveled around the lone popsicle stick in my son’s hand. I watched as a googly eye broke free from the blob of dried glue and slipped onto the grass beneath his feet. He shrugged his shoulders and laughed, undiscouraged by his unrecognizable construction.
“Well, there’s gotta be an explanation,” I said. “When you think about it, metamorphosis is a little unnerving. Maybe your caterpillar was claustrophobic so the whole cocoon thing just wasn’t his thing.”
My son giggled before adding, “Ya, and he didn’t want to become a butterfly because he was afraid of heights too!”
I threw back my head and laughed at the hilarity of the character we had just created: a caterpillar who suffered from claustrophobia AND acrophobia. The poor little guy would have to overcome his greatest fears to ever have a chance of fulfilling his destiny as a butterfly. (Someone please write a children’s book with this storyline.)
The truth is, caterpillars aren’t capable of understanding their metamorphosis and therefore do not fear the changes ahead. They enter the perfectly timed process with no notion other than it is what they are meant to do. Why? Because caterpillars have no way of reproducing unless they become a butterfly. Once they complete their transformation they mate, lay eggs, and die, thus completing their life cycle. Caterpillars become butterflies to fulfill their purpose. They are designed with an innate sense of resolve. Each phase of their life cycle is difficult, and some parts are downright ugly, but every step was designed with intention. Caterpillars persevere because they are hardwired to see it through to the end. The same is true of all living creatures. Though their lives may be filled with challenges resulting in failure or victory and change both hideous and lovely, they go on living because it is the only thing they know to do. God has provided them with everything they need to keep going, to fulfill their purpose, just as He has for you and me.
This truth may feel hard to believe. Some of us feel more like a claustrophobic caterpillar or an acrophobic butterfly: we know God’s calling us to something more but we are too scared to trust the process. We feel insecure; our strengths don’t make us capable enough and our weaknesses are too shameful. We are just one person in a world of people God can use, so why does it matter if we carry on or not? Imagine if every caterpillar said the same thing. We would live in a world without butterflies and I think we can all agree that would be a tragedy and not just because butterflies are beautiful, but because butterflies pollinate our plants, and without them, flowers, fruits, and vegetables would cease to exist. The livelihood of other species depends on the livelihood of butterflies, just as the livelihood of others depends on you and me. The Bible tells us we are all uniquely gifted, each of us representing one crucial part of the body of Christ. If one of us yields to paralyzing fear, we are all affected (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).
Everything we have is usable by God: our wounds, hopes, healed scars, failures, victories, doubts, strengths, passions, and pain. Every piece of who we are, every step of our journey is there for a reason: to serve our purpose for living. We may not understand how each part works for the greater good, but God does. He knows the hearts of others around us need to hear what we have to say, even when we’re too frightened to speak. Our feelings of inadequacy are merely manifestations of fear, and fear is the voice of the enemy. Fear tells us we can’t make a difference, that our past is too embarrassing, and that we are nowhere near ready. Fear tells us we’ll never measure up; there are plenty of people far better equipped to do the job. Fear tells us to remain a caterpillar. Love tells us there is a miraculous transformation ahead.
Do you know what caterpillars do before they begin the process of metamorphosis? They eat. And eat. And eat some more. They fill themselves up to grow nearly 100 times their size, storing up strength for the changes ahead. It looks gluttonous and self-serving but even in this “easy” stage of their life cycle, God is preparing them for the next step. Every experience we have in our early stages of life, the triumphs and the setbacks, are equipping us. God equips those He calls. 1 Corinthians tells us: “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God,” (1:27-30). If God can use a chubby little caterpillar to pollinate and nourish the Earth, surely He can use you and me. We must only trust the process God has so intentionally set forth for us. Like the caterpillar, we are innately wired to do just that.
Have you ever watched a caterpillar create a chrysalis, or reemerge as a butterfly? It’s a small miracle in action, as is your life and mine. Author Jess Connolly put it so well in her book You Are the Girl for the Job when she said, “You’re the one God has placed right where you’re at with His perfect knowledge and foresight. It has taken one million-maybe one zillion (who knows?)- slight moves of His hand to place you in this exact moment. All of the small and ordinary miracles that had to occur at just the right time for you to be born, for you to stay alive and well, for you to be introduced to God […] are Him,” (p.50).
The miracle isn’t only in your existence, it’s in every piece of your story you’ve deemed unusable. It’s in those seasons of darkness, sin, solitude, and waiting. Inside the chrysalis, a caterpillar is wrapped in a layer of silky cocoon. Sometimes it hangs, suspended in blackness for a few weeks, sometimes a few months. God determines how long this period lasts for each caterpillar, but it is never without purpose. Though it may not look like anything is happening from the outside, inside that chrysalis a miracle is taking place: special cells are growing to form legs, wings, antennae, and a new set of eyes for the soon-to-be butterfly. It’s there in the caterpillar’s darkest season that the most miraculous transformation takes place. Those days in the dark are lonely and frightening, but they are not in vain. Rest assured God is still working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).
I cringe to think of the ministry opportunities I missed when I let my fear keep me from my calling. The shame of my past consumed me and I was certain it could never be redeemed. I had an inkling God was drawing me forth to be a writer, a ministry leader, and a teacher, but I feared the transformation it would require. Fear told me I wasn’t ready, but God’s voice was louder than my fear. It was gentle but clear, and it was inside me all along, reminding me I was created for a purpose: to serve others and to glorify the Lord. Without my past, without the seasons I spent in the darkness, I wouldn’t have much to write, speak, or teach about. Without the miracle of metamorphosis, I’d still be just a caterpillar.
Wherever you are in your life cycle, know that God is working miracles in you and your story. Trust the process. God, your Maker and Creator of all living things designed you with a purpose in mind. He created you to do good works and He is calling you to face change and challenges that will bring forth transformation. Step forward not in fear but in God’s love which casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). You have everything you need to fulfill your purpose.